a walk to remember

speechless

2011-08-29T10:43:00.002+08:00

close friends of mine will know that i have little confidence in love. i dont believe in happily ever after. it is just a fairytale to hide the ugly truth from the innocent and pure heart. it could be my skeptical view that make me feel disgusted easily by anyone who stamps on love.

first, it is the drama at home. sadly, i am half happy that i am away from the shouting and fighting. but i am worried for the ones whom i really loved. please stay strong and be well. 5 more months to go and i will be both physically and mentally there.

things are taking a turn in my second home now. initially i thought it could be due to common interests so they are able to connect and click. i believe that the opposite sex can be good friends but there must be a line when both parties have the special someone waiting back home. i hate it when people gets cliquish and conveniently excludes everyone else in their own little world. hello! there are other people sharing the same breathing space as you, so would you please not pretend that the others do not exist at all? you are making it seem like there is something going on between you 2. when one feels that way, it could be one is too sensitive. if everyone is thinking of the same thing, shouldnt you stand back and reflect what you have been doing?

i felt so disgusted and uncomfortable to be in the same room as you 2. all i wanted to do is to hurry finish up whatever i want to do and scram. i was holding onto my last breath of air, swimming fanatically to the surface before i suffocate of "exclusiveness". seriously, think about what the other half will think if they saw this. put yourself into their shoes and re-consider what the hell do you want and are you doing?

24 hours

2011-08-21T14:34:00.004+08:00

it has been quite a while since i can slow down and enjoy a quiet night all by myself.

i have been travelling on all weekends since bf and goi came to usa. first big sur, then vegas. i am so glad that i finally have a day off today, although it is not considered as lone time. the bottom line is i need to stop and take a breather.

24 hours do not seem enough for me now. 6 more months to go and i will be back in sunny island but it seems like there are a lot more things that i want to do, go and play before facing the harsh reality back home. the harry potter world, disneyworld, death valley, east coast trip, new orleans, thanksgiving, christmas. so many things to plan for but so little time left. for sure, i know the mad rush is killing me softly.

i wish for more quiet nights like this.

moving to the house

2011-03-19T03:21:00.002+08:00

finally today is the day we are going to move into the new house. we have received the keys a few days ago but i was not excited at all. i am not too sure why. maybe cos i have not physically moved in yet. it is just a normal practice to get my keys from the landlady after we signed the agreement. that also means i need to start packing again! my dear friends will know how much i detest packing. that is not all. i need to unpack, sort them out and arrange them. the clothes arent the worst part. there are furniture, cleaning and grocery shopping to do again! argh! when can this nonsense end? i want to hurry travel around USA!

one piece of good news. i passed the driving theory test today, this morning. hahaha. the paper was easy, much easier than the one back home. my practical test is at the end of apr. oh wells, it is time to practice more on the road. afterall the test is going to test me on my practical skills. so stop driving within enclosed, safe, secure private compounds. yeah to that!

so one item checked and half an item done on my list. car car car! please let us/me find a suitable car soon.

settling down at sunny california

2011-02-27T15:37:00.002+08:00

hello sunny singapore. i am adapting pretty well here at oceanside, california. the people are great, a fun bunch of people to stay with. i guess it is still too early to make a judgement because we are staying at separate single rooms now. when there is more interactions among us in the one big house, hopefully conflicts will be minimized.

i dont feel homesick yet but i definitely miss him, hanging out drinking and lomo with friends and the food. OMG! i do not know how to describe the food here. no worries! i am eating fine and always wanting to cook at the hotel now.

my friends in the group do not play with lomo. a few seem interested to find out why i am holding onto a plastic toy camera. but i am proud to say i am the only lomo fan in the group. sometimes, i feel quite paiseh to take the lomo shots in usa cos i am the only one. my dear lomo friends, i hope u can understand this. the weird stares we get from people. it feels a lot more comfortable when a group of lomographers go shooting together. oh wells, i cant wait to go to the lomo shop at LA.

i miss him. :( i dont think i need to write much about this. but i really do miss him. aug, please come quickly!

so long goodbye

2011-02-12T02:37:00.003+08:00

with a heavy heart, i bid good bye to confused weather Singapore and hello to sunny California.

i know my sister and parents, especially my mum, are worried for me. afterall, this is my first long trip away from home. dont worry! i will take good care of myself.

i cant bear to leave him in Singapore too. :( how i wished i can pack him in my limited space luggage and carry him to usa with me. i want to be by his side. if "you" happen to be reading this, i just want to tell you that i will miss you and stay strong. wait for me okay!

lastly, to my wonderful brunch of friends, THANK YOU for all your love!! you guys do take care and ask him out okay? hahaha.

next entry, california!

never again

2011-02-06T02:25:00.002+08:00

i have never felt like this before. i know it is not life threatening but it really pains my heart to see her suffering. i dont know if it is really not painful at all or she was just faking it to make us feel better. please tell me if it is really hurting. i want to share your pain and burden.

i totally regretted not knowing more stuff. i had totally neglected her complaints and concluded everything to be because she is getting old. i never bother to take her concerns a step further to find out what was really wrong. the signs were all there but i chose to ignore. what is the point of studying and getting a honours degree when i cant even protect her.

it really pains my heart to see her leg now. i know it is not a life threatening condition but i dont want to experience this feeling anymore.

i suddenly feel that i am a selfish daughter and girlfriend. how can i leave my old parents here in singapore for a year, while i go for this once in a lifetime overseas experience? how can i ask him to wait for me for a year?

i feel selfish.

yet another last tuition and 24th birthday

2011-02-01T00:44:00.003+08:00

time check. 12 more days to go before i am off to oceanside, living my california dream.

i had recently ended another tuition with this super nice girl. i had only taught her for a year so i did not feel anything when the lesson ended. i was surprised that she had prepared a gift for me and was really touched by this simple appreciative gesture of hers. reading the letter she had penned brought all the emotions to tears.

she asked me why must i leave? secretly i have been asking myself this a few times recently. the legal documents had been signed and there is no way backing up now. i am starting to miss the familiar faces i see everyday for the past few months in the new and flexible HP working environment. i am starting to appreciate my parents a lot more. i am also missing him now.

i really appreciate the hardwork that he had done to try to spend as much quality time with me for the past few days. the cupcake themed birthday celebration with lovely bears cupcakes and cupcake birthday cake. thanks dear for the wonderful cupcake bash! =)

one year older now, time to be wiser. to start off, start packing!!!!

first hand account of discrimination

2011-01-21T00:09:00.002+08:00

i have always appreciated and loved the beauty of singapore. but today, i felt super super very extremely unjustified.

so i failed. i had made all the mistakes that i do not make on usual normal lessons. i dont know what had happened. many said it must be my nerves. some said they just hate private candidates. oh well, i am actually okay with the fact that i failed because i screwed up. yes, i had accepted the fact.

what i cannot come to terms with is the fact that the tester's supervisors did not even bother to attend or help me with my little small appeal to have an earlier retest day. hey, if i want to have a retest soon, does not it show that i am sincere and willing to learn? i do have valid reason for my appeal. i am flying off to usa for a year on the 12 feb and the earliest available test date is at the end of feb. yes, i do understand that i can continue my learning when i am back in spore. but why bother to start everything all over again when they are fresh in my mind still. fuck.

what pissed me off was the first question he asked me was whether i was a school or private candidate. immediately after my reply, it was a no no no to every single question and appeal that i made. i told my instructor and he also felt the same way too. he said did u show him the official document that states you are flying off for job training on 12 feb? oh well, he did not even bother to ask me for it. he claimed it is personal so i need to settle on my own. thanks ah. if u are willingly to pay for the damages and losses incurred due to the delay, i am pretty fine with it. did he look at his records to see if he can free a slot for u because the book will contain all the free days but not all will be released online? no, he kept saying no no no.

if that is the way how school vs private candidate works, i am so ashamed to be a sporean. why would such discrimination exist here? this is an OBVIOUS case of biasness and the school still claims that school and private candidates are treated fairly. fair my foot.

i am just being prideful over this whole thing now. i am fine that i failed and there is a high chance that i have to take the driving test in usa. but i cannot accept the fact that i am deprived of the chance for my appeal to go through just because i am a private candidate. come on, let's be fair for once and let my voices be heard. damn you school.

you should not be tearing

2010-12-17T23:27:00.003+08:00

heart secretly dipping in blood.

highest passing rate

2010-11-04T11:45:00.001+08:00

out of curiosity i went to look at my private driving instructor passing rate at the traffic police website. he has the highest passing rate among all the instructors at bbdc. why am i not surprised?

which side are you on?

2010-11-01T10:53:00.000+08:00

The fight between structured and practicability has always been a struggle for me.

I was having one of the better driving classes last Saturday. My instructor was telling me how screwed up it is to test students on parking into car lots without the aid of the poles. They were there for a reason to resemble the headlights of the car next to the lot. And now they are gone and replaced with curbs. How often can you have a car lot with curbs surrounding its perimeter?

School has structured the training syllabus but the element to simulate the real-world is often missing. Feedback and letters have been sent in to make it better but they are fallen on deaf ears. Do you call resistance stubborn or resolute?

last tuition

2010-10-29T15:42:00.002+08:00

After I entered university, I wanted to be as much as possible, financially independent. So I took up private tuition.

I started tutoring this kid at the end of his secondary 2. He is definitely not an easy kid to tutor. First, his math fundamentals were weak. His concepts were wrong. So basically I had to start everything all over again from scratch. However, this was not the toughest part. He rarely completed my homework and would give 1001 excuses for not doing it. He was one restless kid who couldn’t concentrate for one full 1.5 hour.

Yesterday was my last lesson with him. And I finally truly understand the meaning of “rewarding” when you asked a passionate teacher “why teaching”? A simple and short SMS to thank you for my effort, time, sweat and tears for the past years tutoring him means a lot to me. The smile on his face when he knew his answers for the big O paper were correct was comforting. I admit the tutoring process is torturous on some days, but on certain working days, I was looking forward to it after a long and meaningless day at work.

So to all out there, stop your work for a second and tell someone how much you appreciate his/her work. It takes seconds to do it, but it means the whole world to them.

headache at work

2010-10-19T10:14:00.000+08:00

Life is cruel because it refuses to give us balance. We don’t have exactly 12 hours of day and 12 hours of night. So, like all great humans in history, we strive to have balance within ourselves. Here comes all the talk about yin and yang to find inner peace. Seriously, is it too much to ask for a balance?

I had a girls’ night out recently. Fang and pee were saying they are having work overload syndrome that they could hardly breathe at work. That’s when they treasure any time they can find out of the office to chill and relax.

I feel ashamed of myself. I am not too sure if it is because of the nature of this month or the job. There is minimum production going on in the line to the extent I had a headache for staring at the laptop screen the whole day. There is 1 big thing I need to do at work but it is not within my control. I have to wait for person A to reply to me to discuss with person B to make a decision. This is the long and tedious cycle for response among different parties. Furthermore, how can I forget the time ~~wasting~~ consuming morning meetings I have? Here, here, you have an unmotivated worker blogging.

Where is the work-life balance I am looking for? There is no work in my life and my life has too little time to play. Some people may not find any fault with this because the company is basically paying me for doing nothing. But my close friends will know I cannot stand this. I feel like I am wasting my time away. 9 hours away in this small prison cell somewhere at depot road, living in misery. I could have done something more during these 9 hours than sitting by desk trying to figure out ways to kill time.

I need a balance, probably yoga is next.

wise words

2010-10-05T23:14:00.004+08:00

a person of habits once told me this. don't give yourself a dead sentence before you are confirmed guilty.

so i replied, "Just give me 4 tubs and bnj ice cream with 2 peanut butter cup cups. Probably it will sweeten up my day a little."

:)

wanting it is not enough

2010-10-03T20:27:00.002+08:00

i am dying to receive the call from edb.

i have been on this job for about 3 months and i am already thinking of changing job? you must be raising your eyebrows, questioning me. that is the response i got from a 16 years old boy when i told him i just went for an interview. oh wells, there are just some things in life that cannot be explained.

i am just excited to be selected for the final round. i cant exact say it is a dream come true for me especially when i still do not know the stings attached to this binding contract. but on the surface, everything looks good to me. who does not want 1 year of overseas training? if everything goes well ideally, assuming that my performance was fantastic, my skills are in demand after my training and i love what i am doing, i will have a job waiting for me after the 1 year. so it is job security for 2 years.

hold your horses first! i dont even know if i am one of the 18 selected yet. i was told i would be receiving the call this week. i am not going to leave my handphone anywhere 1 m away from me. i want to be able to see it. i want to hear it when it rings. i am crossing my fingers, praying that i will be called up soon.

once again, i promise i will be a good girl.

i want that little something

2010-08-16T13:57:00.001+08:00

something is missing.
i want to find it back.

all you need is a hero

2010-08-13T00:01:00.002+08:00

when dust sets, you cry for the ones you have lost.
you can never look back now.
the only path is to move forward.
but where to?
when all hopes are dying,
the future is bleak.
you wish for a miracle
and he brought the people to unite.

in some stages of our lives, we just need a hero to tell us we are the best. never lose sight of him because we need to keep this positive energy going.

and i just fell in love with history all over again.

it's a bliss

2010-08-04T11:04:00.001+08:00

it is a bliss to be doing something you like and enjoy. i want to know how that feels.

how rude can you get?

2010-07-28T23:18:00.002+08:00

there is always a reason for something. i dont like to travel on public transport during peak hours but it is inevitable now. it is not that i hate to squeeze with people. i hate seeing the ugly side of singaporeans more.

excuse me and thank you. these 2 simple and short phases are what our parents taught us when we need to get the attention of someone and show appreciation to others when they help you. they are polite phases. but when you said them together loudly on the packed train while trying to squeeze your way out, they dont sound as good as what they mean. you will ultimately get out what you want but you have unconsciously created an unpleasant trip for the riders. i am not sure if you will be annoyed by this but yes i do!

i am not trying to publicize the courtesy campaign that our government is always trying to push for. i just want to have a pleasant journey during peak hours. and i am sure everyone wants that too.

excited

2010-07-28T13:57:00.002+08:00

i am feeling so excited now that i am gonna die. haha. this is a good chance for me to get out of the shithole. so i better prepare myself and score this.

it has been a while

2010-06-24T22:25:00.002+08:00

it has been ages since i last blogged. i thought i would have forgotten the user name and password.

what have i been busy with?
1. 3 weeks into the new chapter of my life. work!
there is nothing much that i can say about it. for now, i am still undergoing training by an engineer.
good environment - checked
ok colleagues - checked
benefits - checked
progress - X

mainly because i am attached to just one engineer and i am the only new hire, there is no structured training for me. my training schedule depends heavily on whether he is free or not to train me. so there are days that i will just idle around the whole day and do nothing. i dont mind sitting at my desk to read materials although it is damn boring. but at least i know that i did something for the day. i want SOMETHING in my life.

so why am i still there? my manager has successfully painted a very bright prospective future for me for the next few months. and seriously that excites me a lot. for me to go to that phase, i just have to be patient and get through this slow sucky phase.

i shall be more proactive for the next few weeks. no more complaints from me, i hope.

2. felicity!
goi and i created this blogshop. currently we are having our 2nd launch now. we are still learning this online blogshop biz so we are still in the trial and error phase. learning bit by bit but i guess things will work out eventually. so friends, if you are reading this, pls free to feedback anything about felicity to me okay?

3. watch world cup
yes!!! the world cup is finally here. but sad to say, the matches arent exciting enough for me yet. let's just wait and see.

cheers to a better tomorrow.

felicity

2010-05-04T03:43:00.004+08:00

i have always wanted to do something significant in my life. i do not want to tell my grandchildren the same old boring story. i was born, went for 16 years of education, found a decent job and worked till i retired. NO! that's not how i want my life to be. so on one random night, i was talking to goi and we realized we have common aspirations. seriously, we are both still young. they are still so many more things waiting for us to explore. so why wait? and that's how we started felicity.

felicity, a noun that describes the state of being happy, a source of happiness. we both immediately loved the meaning and so felicity it shall be. so what does felicity do? we are an online cosmetics spree blog. we are bringing in cosmetics that cannot be found in singapore into singapore for all the beauty junkies out there. for now, we are still in the starting off phase. seriously, when we first had a draft, it seemed pretty easy. but now it comes to doing it, it is a completely different story. we have to learn everything from SCRATCH by ourselves. and that's why i learnt how to post youtube videos on facebook fan group jus now. haha. if i use the facebook badge, the video will be posted to my own profile which totally pointless.

so i am sure there will be a lot more happenings going over at felicity. so please do join us on our facebook page for most recent updates and news. search felicity or you can link it from my facebook profile. and our first launch is on the 5 may wed at 9pm, join us at http://felicity10.wordpress.com. =) omg. this is becoming so commercialized. so in short, join my spree or you btr watch out if you are my friend. haha. cheers!

something special about this man

2010-04-26T14:58:00.002+08:00

i saw this video a few years back. i happened to find it again when i was listening to this song on the radio ytd. he isnt the male lead in this french movie. and according to my fren, he only appeared in the movie in this scene and he did not have any dialogues. but there is sth special about him that draws me to watch this video over again and again. the music rocks and he looks deliciously hot. how can i resist?

countdown timer is working now

2010-04-16T00:38:00.003+08:00

my last presentation as a chemical engineer was not as good as i expected even though i thought i was pretty much prepared for my section. in the end, the profs had once again drilled and squeezed us dripping dry. the worst part is they do make sense and i was unable to figure out why and where and how. these 3 most important questions couldnt be answered. it was my 2nd time i felt very disappointed with myself in the same building. i just left.

it is over and so there is no point thinking about it anymore. now, i just had to hope the minimum good karma i had accumulated over the years will work.

the deadlines were a mad rush but it was great fun working with the fellow costa ricans. i guess we might be the most happening group who think of celebration ideas for every submission date. the most amazing part is we all did not start off as friends. the group was formed by complete strangers. we might have heard of the name or knew this person exist, but we arent considered on the friends basis. so how? because i know someone from the other group and it just happened that we needed each other to form the 5 members group. glad we did that.

the countdown to my final days as an official student has started. 2 more weeks and it is really the final goodbye. it is not like the graduation ceremony we all had in primary/secondary/JC. this is THE END. i have been waiting for this day to come but when it is here, it feels different. hmmm..

you just need that person

2010-04-11T21:14:00.000+08:00

sometimes in life, all you need is for someone to tell you that the future will come.

all shapes and sizes

2010-03-26T00:28:00.005+08:00

people come in all shapes and sizes.

despite my 4 years in an approximately 250 chemical eng students body, i dont know know all of them. to set the bar lower, let's define know as you recognize this person in your cohort so you dont have to know this person on a personal level.

there was this day, a group of students decided to bake cookies and give them for free to those hardworking students just to make them simle.

there are some guys who are the prim and proper boyfriends. they belong to the group that mums will love them to bits at the first house visit.

on the down side, there are bound to be immature and childish (oops, do they mean the same?) people around you. their intelligence level made me feel disgusted. they describe themselves as reckless and childish but do those give them enough reasons to not act their age?

maybe meeting new people is a fun thing to do afterall.

up in the air

2010-03-23T02:30:00.002+08:00

what will you put in your backpack?

i dont know why this movie receives so little publicity. maybe because spore is showing it very very way behind us, so the hype died down. anyway, i wanted to watch it when i saw the teaser.

it kinda strikes me now that it is important to maintain balance in life which i cant do it very well. when deadlines are near and exams are coming up, i will just locked myself in my room and study. it sounds gross but that is the sad part of my life, competing with over achievers. i dont even talk to my family much. the only time they will see me is when i go to toilet, bathe and have my meals. this little 4 walled room is like a prison cell for me.

when i realize the distance between us, i will try to get back into their lives again. and sometimes, i have to admit it is just too late. people start to drift away to look for another source of comfort when the current existing one fails. nobody stays at the same spot and waits for something to happen. people move on! well, i guess i have been a pretty fortunate girl because i do have friends who stay by and wait for me. and i know we will definitely go a long way and probably will meet up for tea when our hair turns grey. comforting thought ya.

connecting with people is a skill that i lack in. sometimes i wish i could really open up and give my friends and loved ones a hug and tell them how much i miss them and want them to stay in my life.

have you ever felt the moment when someone stares into your soul and the whole world stop moving?

those were the times

2010-02-25T00:52:00.003+08:00

remember when you were in primary school in your graduating year, friends would start to pass around autograph books. no matter how much friends dont get along, you still want a piece of memory of that person. probably you would disinfect your book when you are home and realized none of your close friends choose to write in front of or behind his autograph.

i remember one of the must have sections is my favourites and its opposite. the list just runs like, favourite colour, teacher, friend, movie, food and blah blah blah. and now guess who i will write under my favourite friend. ASPEN HYSYS!!! i have been spending more time with it than with my bf. i have showed all emotions in front of him. happy when i see the green box with the word converged inside and all the material streams are navy blue. frustrated when the yellow box and error messages keep popping out. i was so engrossed in our little world today that my friend had to break my concentration and make me realize i am really into him.

i am sure our relationship will become stronger day by day with the exponential time i will be spending with him for the weeks to come. my love letter to him and i hope he will bring a super big smile on my face tmr morning.

argh

2010-01-13T03:41:00.001+08:00

i am seriously suffering from insomnia now.
i need a whack to knock me out so that i can sleep.

it kills

2010-01-09T00:31:00.004+08:00

life is a bitch.

you know your financial assets are running low but it just slowly but surely plays with your mind. you have to click on that link to steal another glance at that particular piece of art. it draws you, it steals your sanity and it robs your money.

at the end of the day, you do not feeling a slight pinch that you have lost something. you are feeling happy instead, smiling to yourself. an act of convincing yourself that you have done the right thing because it is simply irresistible and you can never find a twin out there.

shopping, especially online shopping at my own convenience, kills my money.

christmas

2009-12-24T01:13:00.003+08:00

what does christmas mean to you?

having a family gathering and catching up with relatives and cousins? or maybe you arent exactly that close to your family, so grab a few close friends and join the christmas party.

it is close to the end of the year. some are reviewing the resolutions they have made at the beginning of the year. check, it has been done. let's put a happy face sticker beside the task. argh! did not manage to achieve this because i was too busy with work for the whole year. i simply couldnt find time to do this. excuses! so it is a sad face.

it has been good or bad, depending on how you look it. some has things to celebrate for while some cannot find the festive mood at all.

but i think what is in everyone's minds is to have a better future. better in what terms? that is for you yourself to define. i am a little greedy. i dont hope for a better future. i wish for a miracle that i know it will never happen.

how can you not love it?

2009-12-15T23:07:00.004+08:00

engineeringisfun.com.sg.

the url says it all. it is a website to encourage O levels graduates to take up engineering in poly. when i saw the postcard, i couldnt help and burst out laughing. being in the engineering faculty for 3.5 years, why cant i find the fun part of it yet? looks like i will be a bad ambassador at the engineering booth to clarify worrying concerns of hopeful applicants on open days.

it is a little late to ask myself if engineering is the route that i want to take. do i have regrets? probably. these 3.5 years have been one of the most stressful school days i ever had. i am competing myself against elites, who are smarter than me. the most frustrating part is when my efforts dont pay off and you have course mates who can get what they want easily by whatever methods. it angers me even more. but there is nothing i can do to make myself better except to study harder to work my ass off.

sometimes, i really wish that the line life is fair is true. that would help me greatly in overcoming this personal obstacle. i may not hate my student life as a chemical engineer that much then.

what happens if i didnt choose chemical engineering in the first place? what if i had taken up accountancy instead. after all that was my 2nd choice. probably in another dimension, there is another me. and i would have chosen the alternative and could be living a completely different life. was i happier with my decision or the opposite? this is the bad thing with having too much time at hand. you will start to think about the what if.

to end with a happy note

happy 2nd year! love you =)

holidays

2009-12-09T23:17:00.003+08:00

the mad rush in school had finally ended. it is time to sit back and relax. but i am the kind of person who cant do nothing for the entire 5 weeks. my initial plan was to look for internship. i managed to find one which was something i would like to do. i was told in the first round, i would be mainly helping the company to organize events, seminars, which i had done in school before. and the best part i would be paid for doing something i enjoy. however, the story flipped when i went for the second round. it seems like the top management did not have any intention to let me participate in any of the activities mentioned earlier due to the short duration and so i would be doing door to door sales instead. crap! tough luck.

how about looking for other temporary jobs? i did check recruit websites but the thought of working my whole holidays away puts me off a little. i want to rest before my last sem starts. or simply, i am lazy.

learn something new? i haven thought of what but my friend told me to pick up my guitar again. haha. i haven been playing it for like years. i think i have forgotten all the fingerings and stuff. dont get too excited. i am talking about the real basics of playing the guitar here. baking? i can learn from my mum but she is busy taking care of my nephews. maybe i should go and take a look at the courses at red man one day and gather friends in my attempt to burn the kitchen down.

i have rested enough and it is time to do something crazy and fun. i want to do something that is out of the ordinary, something that i dont do often. just make my holidays a little bit more exciting besides enjoying my newly bought super freakonomics.

just be yourself

2009-11-18T19:24:00.004+08:00

we have been signing up for courses to learn something new to improve yourself. seriously, the main objective of signing up for these courses is to impress.

why should you fear when you have real capabilities? often heard but this sentence does not contain the entire truth. everyone has their own capabilities in their individual fields. it is more or less taken for granted an essential criteria one must have. given that everyone is like you, a capable person, so what is it that divides you from the others? here the part where impression counts.

we have no fear for technical aspects of everything in life because we are trained to be like that since we were young. we can definitely pick up the important notes and keep reminding ourselves of all the do and dont. seriously, doesnt this turn us into programmed robots?

when communicating, it is not the do and dont that should bother you. you should be sincere in what you do and say. dont say something just because you have learnt that it is the right thing to say. the person who sparkles in the crowd is the one who presents the naked self in front of others. be truthful and sincere. there is no point in hiding behind the mask society has created. just be yourself.

this is something i had gained from a person whom i met for 30mins today. it is interesting how meeting with people can give you a different insight to life. haha. wish me luck!

(500) days of summer

2009-10-27T23:38:00.002+08:00

this is not a love story. it is a story of boy meets girl.

if i have to name a great movie in 2009, this would definitely be in the list. i dont know why but i just cant help falling in love with it just like when tom first met summer. it is not the usual love story when couple meets, argues and back together again. the movie experience is bitter sweet.

this is exactly the way i am feeling right now with him. love is bitter sweet. it has its ups and downs but that is what made the bond stronger and even more magical. i start to appreciate the little things and effort by him. he taught me how to love and be loved.

i am dying to re-watch this movie and friends would know i do NOT do that at all. so the conclusion is i really do love this movie. maybe i would be inspired by tom and take up architecture just when i am in my final year. what a joke! enjoy this movie when you can.

stop complaining about your life!

2009-10-25T18:44:00.002+08:00

is it really that bad? stop digging the negative points about life! why not take a step back and look at things at another perspective. they dont show their love openly, probably because they arent expressive people. they dont hug and kiss you good night everyday but it is alright. they have their own way to tell you i love you.

i should learn to be contented with my life.

reality check

2009-10-13T00:31:00.002+08:00

reality check. what is considered as the norm and does it exist?

a norm life of a child is to get into a SAP primary school (not sure if this is still what they called those schools now) because it gives the parents an assurance that the child will be able to ace his studies. after that, good studies is not the only worry on the parents' minds. they are seeking a all rounder development in secondary school. that is when the division occurs and obviously all parents want the best for the child. ideally, the child must graduate with at least a good honours degree and is able to find the suitable job that fetches super high pay.

wake up! that's not happening to me here. this is society's norm? anything besides that are not worthy enough in this godly society? high spirited and adventurous when i am put in an unfamiliar and foreign environments. there are so many crazy things and ideas that i thought of that i want to do. i really do feel that impossible is nothing outside. but when you are back to home sweet home, you are pulled back to reality.

i must obtain good grades are constantly on my mind. friends attending career talks and applying to jobs that are prestigious. most or maybe all said good academic results is not everything. they want to look at our lives outside studies, the so-called soft skills, too. seriously, i doubt how much truth there is in their words. i personally heard this hr personnel first asking the student, so is this your current CAP, when he passed her his resume. we are also looking at other qualifications the applicant has besides good results. tell me about it.

i wish life could be more lenient.

you should know when to stop

2009-10-08T20:54:00.002+08:00

not get over her, i want to get her back.

is this being stubborn or having a positive mindset?

your conscious tells you that there is no way you can do to improve on the situation anymore. all factors are not within your control. it is something like it really depends on the others now. but you just refuse to give up. you want to have another shot at it because you believe that no matter how insignificant your effort is, there is always a change. the magnitude of this change is not important. probably, you will succeed if you are given another opportunity. just one more. that's what we always heard.

but really, do you need that one more additional shot? do you really believe that it will make things turn around? there is really a thin line between being stubborn and naive. you should just know when to stop and let it go. stop acting like a bull!

wait, there is not the right way. we should always think on the bright side of life. like what everyone said, the sun will always be up after a gloomy day. does it help? will it make you feel any better when you are being pushed up the wall? it doesnt change anything but mind is always stronger. when you are trapped under a collapsed building, you dont tell yourself that yes, i am going to die right here right now. nobody is going to find me and bring me out of this damn place alive. the rescue team will have to carry me out. no! you tell yourself i have to survive i have to survive i have to survive i have to survive. that's why there are miracle stories of survivors who managed to escape despite being trapped under collapsed buildings for days. that's being positive.

oh why why why. why is all these negativity clouding above my head? just let things flow and nature takes its course. is this really what i want? i feel so handicapped when i am not in control. probably if world is a little less superficial, i might be a happier person.

grow old with you

2009-10-01T21:51:00.000+08:00

i was listening to a short segment of 987 home and i heard this song.

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
I'll kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

I'll need you
I'll feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if youve had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

where do u look for comfort?

2009-09-28T22:33:00.002+08:00

this is what i saw when waiting for my first out of the four mid term tests i will be having for the next two weeks. a girl, who was sitting a few rows away from me, was hugging her soft toy teddy. i did not observe her for the rest of an hour because i obviously had better and more important things to do. but i assumed she hugged it during the whole one hour duration.

on my way home after tuition, i saw a dad brought his two kids out for a walk, probably after a heavy dinner. coincidentally, those two kids were hugging a teddy in their hands too.

i am not going to mock at them, especially the undergraduate girl. in fact, i think it is perfectly fine for her to do that. during stressful situations, we all look for things to comfort us, make us feel better and happy. that's why the snacks that we eat during examinations period are called comfort food. then again, food is not the only source of comfort one can find. it can be anything, anywhere or even anyone. it does not require any physical shape. all it needs to do is to make you feel more at ease.

so where on earth is this thing? i dont know. you have to seek and find. my method may not work for you because we are different. i secretly do hope to be out of school soon.

what do i exactly want?

2009-09-24T00:22:00.005+08:00

i dont want to go. i am not interested. what exactly is it that i want? even i myself has not found the answer yet. i dont know why but i have been hating the life that i am leading now. maybe cos it is monotone, with no excitement and nothing to look forward to except for holidays at the end of the year. that pretty much sums up my outlook of life for now.

this sucks! i dont really hate being a student because i know working life wont be anyhow kinder to me. but i do know is that i dont want to be this powerless, without any control of my life. i cant afford to do certain things because there are many considerations. i need to save up, i need to pay my dad the japan debt but i want a life. gosh! seriously, i am starting to wonder how closet muggers spend their lives. sad, pathetic and pitiful.

give me some fireworks and i will make wonders. if really i have super powers, like flying, so i can go to any part of the world whenever and wherever i like. i dont really mind the ability to control time too. so on sucky bad hair days, i will make my day ends fast and make time crawl when i am enjoying it. let's dream that a superhero kinda accident will happen to me tonight first. so keep daydreaming! it keeps the hope alive. at least i have my bitchy gossip girl new season to keep me accompany on days like this.

no, you have not missed out a lot

2009-09-19T01:35:00.006+08:00

finally the one week break is here. woohoo!! nah, you have not been missing out much. got some good food and nice cold beer for the past 2 days. am i just enjoying life or clearly ignoring the fact that i still need to study for my mid term tests? well, let's the holidays begin!

i got developed some of my first holga collections. yes, the keyword here is some because i stupidly thought that i could collect my photos immediately on the same day if i developed lesser rolls of film. unfortunately, it did not work this way. it wasnt fantastic but a good start. let what sai said, continue shooting! please tell me any good spots to take photos okay?

i dun know why i have such a crazy fav for photography. maybe i got it from my dad cos my dad loves to take photographs. i remembered clearly when i was little, my dad would instruct me to stand at certain spot to take photo with the background. and every festive seasons, like christmas, all the shopping malls along orchard road would be well decorated with santa, elves and presents. though singapore does not snow, it felt more like christmas back then.

i have been dreaming for my camera for months. when when when can i ever lay my hands on it? sometimes, i wish i was working now. it is sick to work to spend. at least i am financially independent right? gosh! i miss the power of money.

let's end it off with some holga photos. =)

while waiting for the company bus...

the temple behind the 10yen coin

sake museum

what am i going to do?

2009-09-12T01:35:00.004+08:00

what am i going to do with my life after i graduate? i think this is the big question that is in everyone's mind now. it is sick and tiring to go to career talks at least once a week when you know deep down in your heart that you stand almost no chances against the majority in the talk. demoralizing to face the harsh reality when you know all the talk about attitude and performance is just a politically correct answer to encourage more applicants. afterall, it is the grades that put you on the map.

damn. h strive and not sit by my laptop and typed this whiny entry? ow am i going to survive in this every man for himself society? no more friends look out for each other back kinda thing anymore. this is getting more like the survivor game. shouldnt it inspire me to strive and not sit by my laptop to type this whiny entry?

cool it girl! i guess there is frustrations building within me. what is the point of putting myself down when i still have another year to go? focus on how i should get to what i want to go. even if i dont reach my destination at the end of it, at least i have gave it a shot.

missing the play time

2009-08-30T01:17:00.004+08:00

entering the 4th week of school soon but i have not got back my study momentum yet. i am still missing the play time during the holidays. exploring japan, travelling to taiwan and trying to catch up with old friends. i guess i am more in control of my schedule back then as compared to now. sorry, i cant make it because i have class. dont you just hate hearing this?

quick! accept the fact the school HAS STARTED long ago.

2009-08-20T23:17:00.001+08:00

when i grow old, i wish i have many wonderful stories to tell my grandchildren. i wish i would never say i had worked and slogged my life away. i dont need an extraordinary one to be special. i wish to accomplish something in life, which i would be damn proud of.

not forgetting to mention this 12 years long friend to them. i find our friendship simply magical. we have known each other for more than a decade. although there are geographical difficulties at some point in time and we dont usually hang up everyday when you are back in spore, you are the one of the few people whom i can talk about my future with. i can allow my imagination to run wild and picture myself in every impossible situations because i know you would be the last person to make judgment on me. even though it maybe silly, we will just laugh it off.

love staying indoors in an air-conditioned and less crowded cafe and just chat. but i love even more your company. thanks babe and continue to laugh your head off at karen is so dumb karen is so dumb photo. anyway, we must be both tipsy when we took that shot.

leave everything behind

2009-07-24T00:05:00.002+08:00

have you ever felt like abandoning everything and just leave? you dont have to worry about your performance in this crazy rat race. you dont have to plan your schedule to meet tight deadlines. all you need is confidence to convince yourself this is the right choice.

i wish one day i would have the courage to uproot myself and move to a foreign place to start afresh. somewhere like boston where no one knows my name. a place where people really do enjoy life, leading a well-balanced lifestyle.

why am i writing such depressing stuff? because i am need a break! not like holidays or travelling because i know too well that it is damn tiring. probably spending a day on my own, cuddling in the familiar corner in my room and day dream. all i want is a day to relax. i do not want to rush anymore.

back to singapore

2009-07-23T20:16:00.002+08:00

finally back in Singapore. how was my trip is the common question i get when i meet up with friends. well, the overall experience is an enjoyable one. it is impossible to tell them every single detail of my trip, so here are the photos!

my dormitory

sushi lunch

yokohama Y150

disneyland

my weekend

baseball match

kyoto and osaka

yokohama drinking

tsukiji fish market and harajuku

colleagues

last weekend

right after farewell party

2009-07-15T20:22:00.003+08:00

i just got back to dormitory from the farewell party. not like those emotional ones i used to have in my CCA in secondary school. to me, it was more of a dinner and an opportunity for everyone in the unit to interact. people dont have many chances to sit down and talk because they are all busy with their experiments, walking to and fro laboratory and office.

i cant believe that my internship is coming to an end in 2 days and i will be back in sunny island soon. i do miss spore food a lot because i cant find them here. imagine how happy i was when one of the colleagues said another colleague bought dried durian from the airport to office recently. DURIAN!! the king of fruits and of course, my favourite.

everyone is nice and takes extra good care of me. although the duration is too short to foster any strong friendship with the colleagues, i had fun knowing them. they taught me many things, like random japanese words, introduce me to the japanese custom such as we cannot refill our drinks by ourselves because they believe that by doing so, they wont be happy in the future. i dont know what else to say to them except thank you. i am very grateful for all the help that they have given to me for the past 10 weeks.

i feel sad to leave japan. firstly, i have not explored the whole of japan yet. seriously, travelling during the weekends arent enough. time is not on my side and so it restricts the area that i can visit. and i am actually enjoying the freedom i have now. totally in control of my life and schedule. i do not have to inform my parents if i will be home late or what and no nagging from them when i go home late. definitely i am in love with the drinking culture here. comparing to them, i am not considered as a strong drinker. but drinking and smoking are in their blood and of course i choose drinking. i love alcohol! and it is so much cheaper in japan than in spore. if i used to be able to drink once or twice in a month in spore, i think i can afford to drink weekly in japan.

finally free from fyp. i am just super super glad that it is officially over. it has been a killer for me during the past few days. the lack of sleep, without coffee this time round and the mad rush to prepare to leave japan makes me ultra tired. i guess i seriously do need to rest more these few days because my eyes kinda hurt when i was reading from the computer screen today. i shall sleep early and rest well before my sleepless night on sat.

what is the difference?

2009-07-02T18:40:00.003+08:00

culture shock! something that is inevitable when you come to another country. coming to japan is not exactly considered as a shock, but there are small little details that surprise or puzzle me.

i dont think i can ever understand the long term employment practice in japan. most, like 99%, of my colleagues are working at mitsui since they graduated. so this is their first job and they do not have plans to change jobs. that is so different from spore! we job-hop like crazy because we are always telling ourselves that the grass on the other side is definitely greener. we want growth and progress. if we cant find that in our jobs, most likely we would just look for alternatives.

i do love guys but i cant help to not stare at pretty girls. there is this pretty japanese girl, whose locker is beside mine in the changing room. so sometimes, i would meet her before or after work. coincidentally, i met her at the staff canteen today with my mentor. i causally asked my mentor if he thinks she is pretty. he just replied she is pretty?! i gave him the stunned look because i do think she is pretty. and he just shut me up with no comments. are japanese guys that shy or they are just being polite because i am more of a guest than an internship student.

not much time left in japan. little problems cropped up in the going back to spore arrangement. but we have came up with a solution, not the best of course. countdowning to the number of days left and the days to submission of fyp report.

rain rain go away

2009-06-24T19:02:00.002+08:00

i have this special thing with rainy days. everything is so quiet and peaceful on rainy days. the pace of life seems to have slowed down a little to enjoy this watery splash. staring at the window and observing the water pattern. looking through this thin water layer, thinking it would be good if i could just lie on my bed with my rainy days playlist plugged in.

rain rain go away. come again sometime next week.

not much time left

2009-06-21T14:49:00.004+08:00

i am starting to get used to living alone in this big dorm room i have now. adapted to the i-have-to-do-everything-by-myself life style now. i am not sure if i would be used to it when i go back to singapore with my parents poking their noses into almost everything i do. but after the phone call i had ytd, i am glad i am at japan now.

away from the chaos and trouble that is brewing or rather has happened. at least i am staying out of it. i cant be bothered or rather i choose not to care. i just want to enjoy the remaining one more month i have in japan and finish my fyp.

i just got home from a takoyaki lunch. 8 huge tako, 1 red bean paste cake and super yummy starbucks although it was a little too sweet for me. i am loving the ambiance at the starbucks branch. it is really a nice place to literally sit back and enjoy my sunday. looking at the cars through the window, just daydreaming and looking at the live stage. if only singapore has available land space for that, maybe i will love starbucks a little more. i wish my future house is something like that although i love living in a city.

this is random.

most beautiful thing

2009-06-09T21:07:00.002+08:00

would you ever lie to make someone feel better? nobody can escape from his eyes. he knows exactly when you are lying. he can see through you by observing your reactions to his questions. think twice before you respond. but dont show your true feelings on your face or in your behaviour.

be sincere and stop hiding behind that mask of yours. being true to yourself is the most beautiful and hardest thing to do. if you always show or tell others exactly what you are feeling, there is no way you can hide from them because they can read you like a book. and people will describe you as being frank or even worse insensitive because you wont know who you have hurt along the way. so you have to make a choice between honest and PR skills. seriously, i dont know what i will pick. but i am definitely more on the honest side.

i guess being a child is the best. you dont have to worry about bringing money back home. you dont have to think how to make the next meal possible. you dont have to learn how to hide your feelings. they just cry when they are sad. they just laugh when they are happy. often, adults will forgive and forget whatever a child does no matter how naughty they can be. but when an adult makes a mistake, it is just so hard to forget and forgive. i will definitely feel the pain within me although i may have appeared fine.

it sucks when you know there are so many factors to consider when you are an adult.

3rd week

2009-05-25T21:47:00.005+08:00

here i am, into the 3rd week of stay at japan. getting to know a little more people in the dorm. they are super nice to me. mifo-san bought me out on the last weekend for a sushi feast. there are many choices, much more than in spore. like they have this red shelled sushi, and in spore, we have the bean curd skin wrapped with rice, but here, they have the same thing but dripped in brown sugar syrup. sweet!

after she saw my pathetic lunch on the first sunday, she offered to cook lunch for me on last sunday. so nice! it was my first time cooking a proper meal, not spags. haha. i am so proud of myself.

i think getting to know more people here in japan really do help me in settling down. i have friends to talk to, and not always face the 4 tall walls in my dorm everyday after work. it is starting to feel a little like the hall life. making new and random friends are always so exciting. i met a sporean who sat beside me in the cinema when i went to watch angels and demons. and now, i have an indian friend who is my few outlets to speak english to in japan.

but, i cant forget all my dear friends in spore. i am really glad that i still feel connected with the life back in spore. all the bitchings and happenings in their lives, i know a little bit here and there. i dont need to know the full picture in details. i just want to still be part of their lives although i am here in japan.

and one thing i have learnt about travelling is to always be open to new things. i used to hate eating vegetables in spore. you never see them on my plate at all. but last sunday, i actually ate my first slice of tomato in salad dressing and okinawa bitter ground since dont know how many donkey years ago. good job! never be afraid to learn and try. i dont know how to play softball. dont just stand there and watch. try to get involved. ask around to know how the game is played.

and i am going to attend an english class tomorrow morning. haha. all the best for the next few weeks.

1st week at japan

2009-05-17T14:20:00.002+08:00

it has been a week at japan and yes, i do miss everyone and everything about singapore. gradually i am starting to appreciate the tiny little bits of singapore that makes me feel comfortable. in singapore, it doesnt really matter how late i am home because i know my streets will be well lit and i will be safe. but here in japan, the sun sets super early. so the sky turns dark pretty fast. at around 7pm japan's time, the road leading to my dorm is already dark. and the total number of street lamps along the way up to my dorm is 2 only. pathetic isnt? so some parts of the roads are really dark, no light at all. so i do make it a point to be back at my dorm before my dinner serves at the dorm ends, which is at 9pm.

weekdays are pretty boring. it is just the normal daily routine of waking up to go to work, stay in the lab for almost the whole day, go back to dorm, sometimes go to the nearby supermarket for some grocery shopping, head back to dorm for dinner and rest. nothing exciting or worth mentioning for my weekdays.

yesterday was my first weekend in japan and i went over to chiba, the city area to watch angels and demons. yes, it is one of my highly anticipating movie of the year. i was waiting anxiously for my favourite part in the book and it was not shown in the movie. damn it! so disappointing. and it is really very costly to watch a movie at japan. a student price student cost me 1300yen, which is approximately S$20. crazy! so we should STOP complaining in the rise in the movie tickets, because it is so much cheaper to watch movies in singapore than japan. i din have much time to walk around chiba because the movie and lunch took most of my afternoon away. i was hoping to capture some city landscape on my holga in the day but it was a super cloudy day yesterday. sucks! there will still be chances ya.

it cannot be considered as a culture shock for working in japan. we are all asians. more or less there will be similarities. their work space has this open concept, which is absence in singapore. in spore, each employee has their own working space but here, everyone works in a big table and the only division between each other is the CPU. haha. so basically if i lean a little backwards, i will be able to see what my neighbour is doing. haha. i realised they place lots of emphasis on safety. i am not sure if it runs in all the japanese companies or because i am working in a chemicals research centre. but i have monthly safety meeting to report on safety matters in my centre and at other plants. to end the meeting, we have a short group discussion on HAZOP. haha. dont be deceive by the japanese drama. we dont do morning exercise together everyday before the start of the work. instead we have this team meeting at 9am sharp every morning to report on important matters and tasks that individuals are going to complete for the day. yes, task-orientated.

one thing that i may have some difficulties in is japanese are all super punctual for work. if the meeting is going to start at 9am, it really begins at 9am. and their transportation has timetable, that shows the arrival time for the buses at the bus stop. it is damn accurate although the some timings are quite weird like 1757hr. so i guess it is in their blood to be punctual. so far, i have not been late. so let's keep up the good work girl!

there are bound to be some difficulties in adapting to the life here. luckily the japanese were super helpful. when i first moved into the dorm, i couldnt connect to the internet although my cables were connected correctly. i tried to look at the guide CD but everything was in japanese. so i went over to seek help from my neighbour. he, his friend and the dorm in charge were super nice. they came over to my dorm for 2 nights to try to fix it for me. finally on my 3rd day, i got the net up. and the female neighbour just popped by to pass me some walnut brownies, cake and oranges that her parents bought for her. haha. nice!

one week has past and 8 more weeks to go. i do not have any major complaints about my stay yet except that sometimes the loneliness is unbearable. i do make friends with some japanese along the way. and i am sure things will only get better. miss everyone at home and thanks for letting me made this selfish decision back then. love you all!

in japan

2009-05-10T22:47:00.004+08:00

yup, and i am blogging at my cosy one person room at tokyo now. the first day was just CRAZY with lots of dragging 25kg heavy of baggage over to find the hotel, carrying that heavy shit out and in the many different trains and walking till my toes had the burning sensation when i dripped myself into the public hot bath, just to get a japan mobile phone and internet access for communication purposes. i was telling the other 2 girls this trip can really train our stamina and our arm power. maybe i will become fitter when i return. haha. and there is another round of dragging and carrying tomorrow, finally to my permanent stay in japan, my dormitory.

the internet access here is like insane! the plan that we signed up only allows us to use around 50MB per month. any extra bytes downloaded will be charged per usage. i was damn turned off. initially i wanted to bring my external hard disk full with movies and videos to watch. but i thought it is pointless since i will be able to stream my video online. now, it doesnt seem to be that case anymore. luckily, the other 2 girls have movies to share with me or else i dont know how i am going to survive ALONE at chiba for 2.5months. i think i may resort to talking to ants again.

i dont know how the dormitory is like and yes, i am so freaking alone there. and i heard from the lady who picked us up that my dormitory is somewhere along the hill. omg! i will be damn close to nature. will i be cut off from the outside world when i am there. haha. we shall see, just look out for blog and facebook. i need to limit my internet usage per month NOW. like wtf!

anyways, yes, i am scared to go there alone. the language barrier and being forced to face anything that will come in my way alone in Chiba scare the hell out of me. maybe what dabai and junrong said were true, i did not think about the consequences of agreeing to this internship. weighing the pros and cons will just make my head grow big and bigger. i will just have to learn and adapt and handle everything with grace when it comes my way. it is hard to do but i will try. so family, dabai and friends, do bear with my complaints if there are any.

and so we 3 girls went to shibuya, the shopping district in Tokyo and visit the Tokyo tower when we were free in the evening and night. the people they do really know how to dress. couldnt buy anything since i will be on the move again. so everything shall wait. i just need to settle my dear internet access and adapting to Chiba first.

dear all friends, i am not sure if you will be reading this but i really appreciate your effort and time to come down to Changi airport to send me off yesterday. i really appreciate it a lot except for all the laughing at my hair. damn it!! and please do STOP laughing when i return. meanwhile, just miss my presence a lot and enjoy your hols/internship in singapore!

i will be back soon. =)

my orangey-red love

2009-04-01T01:43:00.004+08:00

super duper happy today. i cant wait to go snapping around with my new love. i want my saturday to come fast. =)

the tree is gone!

2009-03-09T18:00:00.002+08:00

now, i have a super good view outside my room because the tree right outside my room was chopped down because of the HDB upgrading program. damn it! i din realize it until last night. i was a little pissed. after all, the tree grew up with me. my sis and i used to joke that tree belonged to us because it was just right outside my room window. and now it is gone! argh! i seriously dont see any good in this upgrading program except dust, dirt, tree gone and inconvenience.

the boy in stripped pyjamas

2009-03-07T01:25:00.002+08:00

i had attended a boy's funeral at the comfort of the red seats. it got me thinking the whole night. i just cant get the scene out of my head.

ignorance is a bliss but not to me anymore. parents are protective over their children, i wish that would never happen anymore. race identities who we are, cant we use other sources? curiosity kills the cat, i do believe in that now. living by the extreme beliefs breaks the nation, i dont want to experience that at all. one thing i am sure of is crossing the boundary can cost your dear life.

he did not understand why. to him, they were just farmers and kids whom he could make friends with. he did not comprehend his mother's objection to him going to the back garden. the love from his parents caused him to doubt his father once. people close to him were telling him they belonged to the evil forces and they were his enemies. he was confused. was his new found friend as dangerous as what the others pictured?

everything was an exploration, a game to him. he thought he was playing the same game with his friends back in town. little did he know, when the soldiers came, it was the end. where were the facilities showed in the video? we were all going to take a shower together. when the metal door was closed and the lights were off, the water for the shower came pouring in. knocking and chattering gradually died down. cries from his parents echoed through the forest. as for him, he held tightly to his friend's hand.

when the lights came back, every step that i took down the stairway weighed a ton.

holga

2009-03-02T01:10:00.002+08:00

i am currently having this love-hate relationship with myself. i am so into lomography after i developed the photos i took at ubin. those photos were taken with dabai's vivitar. it is like the old-school camera that requires film. the best old-school function of it is i have to turn the film manually after i take a shot each time. nevertheless i love the camera and all the photos to bits. and now, i want to get a holga for myself badly. i just wish i would be rich the next day and get it. haha. keep dreaming my dear. i think i should seriously put my saving money plan into full force now. holga is my motivation.

e5 goes to ubin!

2009-02-23T18:37:00.005+08:00

yesterday was a day filled with lousy bicycles, rain, shine, sweat and fun! we din want the normal dinner and chit-chat session. we wanted something new and different since it is our mid-term break now. it was really an expedition for the 5 of us, maybe more for me and goi cos it was our first time to ubin.

we did many crazy stuff there. trying to beat each other high score in this itouch game which i believed dingod hates it to the core now. trying to blend in with a should-be nus group. there was a tour guide attached to the group. he was explaining to them the mangrove habitat that can be found at the boardwalk. we totally did not understand what they were staring at among the green floating patches because we couldnt see anything except the green grass. so i started to point and stare hard at a random spot. of course, fixing lousy bicycle which had chains kept felling off and pushing our bicycles up the steep upwards slope. the craziest thing we did was where i fell. bloody hell!

it was fun to get away from the hustle and bustle of a city life sometimes. we called it a mini retreat for working hard for half the sem. let's have another expedition sometimes when we have the luxury of time again. =)

norm?

2009-02-15T02:22:00.005+08:00

how do you define the norm? it is something that is recognized and accepted by society as the usual. i guessed i have been living my life pretty much in the pre-planned manner, which is described by many as the norm. i want to be extraordinary but first, do i have the capability to be so?

i dont agree with the norm dinner at some posh restaurant on vday. they will come up with couple set meals that are out to exploit all consumers. i dont want to be the preys of consumerism. i am not sure if they were wondering why we were having our dinner at this ramen shop at tanjong pagar on vday or they were staring at my pretty flowers. i chose to believe the later. i just want to have a cosy, quiet and quality dinner with him.

when things go wrong in life, people usually choose to adapt and make changes. do they ever ask themselves is the change what they really want? in the wrestler, he had nothing more to lose. his daughter gave up on him and he couldnt catch the last glimpse of the woman he loved. he put his life at stake. to some, it is a stupid decision to give up on your health. i see it in a different light. at least he was doing wrestling, a kind of sports that he was passionate about, till his last breath. how many of us actually have the privilege to ever do something we love?

when the future is bleak, never to give up hope. there are always alternatives available. it is just a matter of willingness to take a different path from others. i need the courage to take that big step forward now. i need conviction to quit myself from thinking in the norm way. sometimes i think would i be a happier person if i were not trapped in this pressure cooker. i enjoy the rat race pretty much but not in way when results is all that matters.

i still want to keep that passion alive, to keep doing things i truly enjoy. be a wrestler? probably in my next life when i could withstand pain even with all the role playing going on.

thank you for making this another special and memorable day for me.

xoxo

2009-02-09T01:35:00.002+08:00

omg!! i hate myself for watching gossip girl. i dont understand why i am always so affected after watching it. i guess i dont like the direction my favourite lonely boy character is developing to. i just cant help to think what if similar incidents happen to me too? well, i dont lead the upper east life style so i dont exactly have to worry so much. ha! i hate this cynical old me, always thinking of the worst outcome, never believing that miracles do happen once in a blue moon.

i am secretly rooting for the s and d combination.

22nd birthday weekend

2009-02-01T14:49:00.005+08:00

my birthday weekend started on a good note. went over to my sister's house for steamboat. i was pretty amazed by how much jayden has grown since i last saw him. he looks slimmer now which i am not very happy with because i cant get with his baby fats cheeks anymore. he can lift his legs up and pull them close to his chest now! furthermore, he tried his very best to sit up in his pram until his face turned as red as a tomato. my nephew is just so adorable. =)

bday was filled with simple yet pleasant surprises. i had the traditional chinese mee sua for lunch. pretty bday card and surprise arrival of the canele chocolate royle cake. dinner was at friends @ jelita. i guessed i expect too much from the french cuisine. nevertheless, i want to go back there to try their ala cart menu. after dinner, it was a trip down to the cathay to catch bride wars. not the awards winning movie but the trailer was funny enough to capture my attention.

this bday was a super duper happy one. it was spent with my loved ones. i just couldnt stop smiling. =) let's hope all bdays will be as happy or even happier than this.

happy cny

2009-01-27T00:27:00.002+08:00

first day of the chinese new year. it is hard to escape from the house visiting tradition unless you are going overseas during this long holidays break. it can be quite tiring at time because practically i have to travel all around singapore. people dont live in the kampong style anymore. for example today, i took an hour to travel from cck to tampiness by car, along the PIE.

i used to be very excited about cny. shopping in town with friends to get new clothes, helping my parents to prepare for the reunion dinner and the best part is putting the snacks into nice oriental containers. however, the excitement doesnt seem to be there anymore as i grow older.

i am not interested to get myself tired out for cny. i do not need all the hype about cny. i only want to spend a quiet and cosy cny with family and friends. i just want to spend time to catch up with people whom i treasure and love me as much as i do. i hate to make small talks with people i only see once every year, or repeat their questions every year.

oh wells, get lots of ang baos!! happy chinese new year, pull your ears. =)

you dont have a choice

2009-01-15T23:00:00.002+08:00

there is no complete truth to 'you determine your own destiny'. pretty often the environment, the situation you are stuck in, loved ones and money will pay a part in your decision making. so you wont be able to do exactly what you want initially. let's not talk about doing things that you like.

so what do you do when you are forced by circumstances? squat down and start to cry on the spot or maybe make a fuss out of everything and blame everyone except yourself for the outcome. no! although you are currently involved in a situation you dont like, you dont give up. why? simply because losing is not something you like.

and so you pull yourself together for the last time and tell yourself not to give up. it seems like a long and lonely journey ahead but your loved ones are always secretly cheering you on. never wallow in self pity because what you are facing now is not the end. there are many people who are fighting for the extra second in life out there and why should you give up on yours here?

you, fight on!

things that i hate about men

2009-01-03T21:41:00.003+08:00

the world is made up of different individuals. i heard from a friend that aquarian is supposed to be at loggerheads with cancerian but my bestie is born on the 17July. i guess we dont really need to accept everything from books on how to build good interpersonal relationships wholeheartedly. seriously, it boils down to whether the other party is able to tolerant your flaws and accept you as a human being.

this group of people can get onto my nerves very easily. they are the group of people who loves to live in their own time. when things go wrong, they choose to stand right at the same spot for the longest time you can ever imagine. dont they know that time waits for no man? things dont go backwards like pressing the backspace button on the keypad. we move forward! they refuse to do anything to salvage the situation. they whine and live in self-pity. seriously, get a life! if you dont love yourself, you cant accept the same from others.

i cant say i am a super duper responsible person but you do earn my respect if you are willing to be responsible for your own actions. dont start to be defensive when others criticize you. it doesnt reflect good on you. others will just say you dont listen to advice. also, dont blame everything except yourself for a wrong. even if you are not the direct cause of the mistake, if you are put in charge of it, bear the responsibility. living at an age like yours, i seriously dont understand why do you still have to make them be worried for you? it just irks me more.

why am i starting the brand new year with such a hate-me entry? i saw what i shouldnt have. the cycle is going to start again. is it really that hard to make a clean, clear, definite, sharp cut from personal relationships? are you really that soft hearted to be taken in by the empty promises and sweet talk? i just have to tell you this, you never learn your lesson. good luck!

dont u just love it?

2008-12-23T00:58:00.002+08:00

yes! this is the season to be fat because it is holidays after one another. first will be christmas and in approximately a week later, we will be welcoming the brand new year. there are things that i hate about this festive season but also things that i simply adore.

shop shop shop! that is probably one of the must-do thing. everywhere i go, i see people. not a single inch of space, shoulder to shoulder. i do not know that people can be that close to each other under forced circumstances. i am literally scared of crowded places because of the fear of the fainting spells. breathe in, breathe out, girl! singapore's air quality is not that bad.

a brand new year means time to get the junk out of my space. it is time to spring clean my room which i have not done. i simply do not have to explain myself because my closed friends will know how lazy i can be sometimes. however, this time round, hopefully it will be a major and fruitful project, or rather at least let the change be visible to all.

i dont know why but i always feel excited writing down my closed friends' birthdays in the coming year calendar. it comforts me by telling me that these are the groups of friends who will stick through thick and thin with me for another year. i am not alone! although some friends have been dropped out of the calendar naturally or by force, i have no regrets. it is part and parcel of life, so just embrace it.

i cant help but to feel excited about the holidays and the new year. the holidays are here to reward myself for enduring all the crap that has been happening so far. a new year signifies change and hope. let the past be history and keep moving forward. =)

why am i feeling this way?

2008-12-20T16:43:00.000+08:00

why why why? why the hell am i feeling this way now? i am simply grumbling about it right now. i was given an option right from the start but i chose to pick the least favourite of all. am i stupid? this is just so unlike me to do such a thing. no wonder i am feeling so restless the whole day. worry that i will do or say something to ruin the whole thing and anxious that my facial expressions tell it all. oh please! just stop all these from happening and let me feel relieved at the end of the day.

away for almost half an month

2008-11-29T02:02:00.002+08:00

taking a break from the notes. i cant believe that i have been studying for everyday since last last sat. i think i am crazy! i am not THAT diligent student. it is just that i leave almost everything to the last minute. this time round, it was due to the tight deadlines for projects and assignments towards the end of the sem. sucks! i am finding an excuse to justify myself. i hate this!

there are 3 things in life that i cannot tolerate. excuses, indecisiveness and grey area.

not sure if it is me or the influence of my secondary school cca, i cannot take excuses. if you had made a mistake, so admit it. why is the point of making excuses to avoid the punishment? it does not salvage the situation, instead it sabotages you because it gives others a bad impression of you. no time is always the common one heard. seriously, i dont believe in the phase no time. everyone in this world has equal share of time each day, 24 hours. if others were able to do it within 24 hours, why cant i? it just boils down to time management. so stop telling myself to push things back because i have no time for it.

given an option, i am sure there must be a preferred one over the other. dont tell me lame stuff like anything, i am fine with both. and the worst is to complain and whine about my decision at the end of the day. if you were really that smart in the first place, why did not u make the choice? i dont understand these people. make a decision, take a stand. is it really that hard for you to do that?

and so this brings me to my third most detest traits of people. i dont like grey areas although they often exist in life. black or white. take your pick. it is either right or wrong. giving others the grey area only add on to their burden and make them think even longer and harder. what is the majority? as long as it is more than 50 percent, can i consider it as the majority? or i should consider the majority when it is close to 100 percent. which to choose from?

why am i thinking of such things now when i am supposed to understand mathematical equations and formulas? back to the notes. =)

finally it is starting

2008-11-14T00:28:00.002+08:00

they are finally ending. sigh of relief. this is not a break, just the start of another mugging season. not exactly looking forward, but not dreading it too. mixed feelings i guess.

i am loving my heartland bit by bit everyday. there is starbucks just near by house, like approximately 2 mins away if i walk and 1 min if i run. so it is a piece of good news. more fun! fish and co, thai express, subway, coffee bean, mof jap desserts. omg! i am loving every bit of this new place. hopefully it will last so that my life will be hip and happening. haha.

i finally found the perfect spot. actually i dont really find to look far for it. it is just right at my doorstep. i have been searching for it for a long time because it has not happened yet. it is just a matter of time. so i have decided to keep searching and fighting till i die. who knows, maybe the next step i make, i would achieve what i aim for.

just stay positive and look at the situation in many different angles. a problem right in front of me. i can choose to cry, whine and complain and push all blame to everyone except myself. all in all, i decide to give up. or a better option will be to motivate myself to try harder and ask. i want to choose the former and stay with it for the next few weeks. i want to be a winner and not a quitter.

yeah! let's bring it on now. =)

i am just like her

2008-11-09T01:53:00.002+08:00

i did not tell you guys because i hate to see sympathy in your eyes

i heard this line while watching one of my favourites US dramas. i could totally feel connected to this character and it was clear why i like her to bits.

i guess i can describe myself as a time bomb. i dont really like sharing my inner thoughts and feelings with friends and family unless there is a need to or we are really very close. i dont see the need of making people to share my burden. but i think the ultimate reason is i hate to show my weak side to others. without sharing, everything is kept to myself, accumulating bit by bit within. who knows when will i explode and really leave this place?

nobody likes to be weak in comparison to others. i do not like to give up when things get tough. i hate to cry when i am faced with a problem because to me, crying means i am feeling helpless and it sucks. someone told me this before when i was pushed to my limits in secondary school, you cant cry in front of them. if you do, who is going to lead? simple, yet straight to the point.

i guess this is just my way of controlling extreme emotions.

i am not wonderwoman

2008-10-31T02:00:00.002+08:00

i am disgusted by the fact that i have approximately 2 weeks to clear 2 projects. out of these 2, the prof claimed that we can finish one within 2 days. of course you can do it because you are the prof and we are the students. add to the crowd, 2 new assignments from that stats prof who doesnt announce any uploads and secretly hope that all students check their email and ivle everyday. have more fun, 2 presentations not done yet. to top it out, 2 end of sem tests next week.

typing this out makes me realise i really have lots of work to do for the next 2 weeks before i go for my study break. this is a classic example of squeezing every single drop of water out of us. dont the prof communicate or at least lunch together because they seem to be some pathetic souls, camping in their offices, staring at the screens and plotting new ways to kill us all? well, i think they did a pretty decent job here.

2 more weeks and probably a short break like a few hours and off to mugging for the big EXAMINATIONS. yeah! all the way.

xiaoyee's 23rd birthday

2008-10-25T00:41:00.003+08:00

24 oct 08 is the day i had been looking forward to for the past few weeks. thinking of ways to make it special to surprise him. i want to make it the best because it is my first time celebrating his birthday alone with him.

we did and ate everything he loves. watching tropic thunder (damn! it was hilarious), eating the impossible dim sum and sun with moon! it was a rather private and quiet birthday. not exactly the typical birthday when you have groups of friends gather together and giving you their best wishes. i kinda like the former. at least i dont have to entertain the guests with a few sentences and hope they will feel at home. so just put away the social entertaining.

yeah! finally you are 23-years-old. hope you had fun and enjoyed your birthday. love you. =)

just another night

2008-10-19T00:35:00.006+08:00

this is one of those nights which i missed. just sitting in front of the TV with my mum, chatting. occasionally i would laugh at her because she usually fell asleep in front of the TV and claimed that she wanted to watch TV. tonight, it was a serious talk.

she could not see my efforts. was it i did not try hard enough or she did not understand? i did not explain much because she could forget something i told her a few weeks ago, so why bother. i just sat there and listened.

although she did not say it directly, i could sense she has high hopes on me. something like to be as good or even better than my sister. she would not approve any arguement on this. stress? definitely, but i have to take it as a good motivation. i have always told myself that i must do well in the future so that i could provide her a good retirement. she would not have to work this hard anymore. now, how should i define 'well'?

put the serious stuff aside. it is only the weekend.

throat infection

2008-10-03T21:58:00.002+08:00

today was the most horrible, painful test i had ever taken. my health is failing me recently. i thought all was well last week but no! the throat infection is still there, leading to this fever i am having now. gross! i think it is time for me to purge out all the toxics in my body, probably readjust my body alarm to a slightly healthy one, and yes, move my body a little bit more.

this failing health. boring. sucks. maybe i am not handling things well within my control. maybe i should learn to let things go sometimes. maybe i should learn how to relax. damn.

i am going to be a real good girl, camp and lock myself in my room, rest and take my medicine. i am going to get my pink health back in no time. =) just wait and see.

travelling

2008-09-28T16:04:00.004+08:00

dont u just love travelling programmes on TV? you can go around the world at the comfort of your home. looking at interesting places and learning new facts about people and culture that you never realize. ultimately, making a decision to go on a tour when you are free someday.

yes! that is what i am feeling exactly when i was watching my lunch time programme just now. they went to germany and i was attracted to every sight, colour and flavour of the place. that is one of the countries i really want to visit. europe! a totally different experience from asia.

i always wanted to go backpacking around the world, something like around the world in 80 days. bt seriously, will i ever have the financial ability and time to do so? living in fast-paced singapore, i can hardly find time to catch my breath. bringing the necessities, my laptop to write about all my wonderful experiences and my handphone for emergency matters. travelling from one stop to another, embracing everything with no plan in mind. i just want to know more about everything.

if and only if i can put everything on hold and go on an amazing trip, i may or may not be a better and happier person. guess i am tired from school and dying for a break. i have been sick of school since last week and this mid term break isnt helping much. damn. guess the break will come eventually after next week.

2008-09-22T21:58:00.007+08:00

i guess it is only through tough times and i will appreciate the people around me. unfortunately i fell sick on the last day of the mid term. it totally ruined our mamma mia movie trip. really super duper sorry because i know you are a hard core fan of movies, espcially musicals. must be the unhealthy meals i had been having for the past few weeks. if not, i seriously couldnt find the source of my virus infection unless it was the bacteria i handled with at lab the day before.

cheering me up with cleo magazine, constant reminders to take my medicine regularly, running around spore under the hot hot weather to get my laptop fixed, getting dinner and lunch, today, for me when i was sick. well, all i have to say is a big big thank you with a big big smile and big big hug. these will always remind me why i love you so much. =)

mum was back over the weekend. very much i would want to spend sometime with her but i had to kindly reject her vivo shopping offer because i had to stay at home because i wasnt fully recovered yet. i wanted to watch some tv programmes with her and laughed at her at the end of the show for sleeping all those while. i miss those moments with mum at home. i really do miss her a lot.

start to appreciate my loved ones. =)

jayden's 1st mth

2008-09-14T01:20:00.003+08:00

cannot drink the mango juice in the refrigerator ah. dad bought that for mum

haha. yup, i received that wink from my sis and couldnt help it but to smile. today is jayden's 1st mth celebration and of course i bought him a present, my mommy hippo and me clothes.

my family whom i treasured

happy parents!

my eye candy is sleepy

no idea

2008-09-10T18:46:00.004+08:00

ok. i have completely no idea what had happened to my yummi-cious candy skin. i guess the owner must be mad at me for not leaving his/her name under credits and decides to ban me from using it anymore. and so, i am back to my long-last-must-do-thing-online, blogskin hunting.

if and only if everyday could be like this. carefree, feeling that time never ends, the sun never sets. i get to surf the net a little when i am sick of the books. meanwhile, waiting for my new addiction, gossip girl, to load. and when my mind feels that it has rested enough, it is back to studying. no pressure, no constraints. will this ever make studying more enjoyable and productive? i doubt so.

i am glad that i still have a close group of girlfriends and boyfriends with me all these years. i cant help but to feel proud of them when they achieve something in their respective areaa. even if it is just a smile from the prof, it happifies me. dont get the wrong idea, i am definitely not an easily contented girl. it just feels good when i know my friends are doing well, or at least enjoying what they are doing now.

ok, that's all for today. maybe it is time to kick my addiction.

sth bad is brewing

2008-09-07T19:53:00.002+08:00

it was supposed to be a happy event but things arent exactly going in the right direction anymore. things have developed to this stage and i know it is pointless to point the finger at anyone now. however, my gut feeling tells me that the root problem has always been around.

i understand you are eager to patch things up, to make it be like before. but can you please discuss with the others invloved before making the decision in their place? nobody likes to be forced into doing anything or anywhere they dun like. dont think everything you said or did is always right.

i understand you dont have the full ability to do what is needed then why didnt you voice it out in the first place? look at what had happened because you refuse to share. why be afraid of him? you know yourself best. even if you are going in the opposite direction, so be it. as long as it is justified, what is there to be scare of? now, we are talking about gender equality.

i understand your frustrations at how things are becoming now. but what is the point of raising your voice at her, and pushing all the blame to her? it is just not fair! not imposing your stand on us. if you ask me, i think everything begins with you. you are the one who answered the call and decided without considering her situation.

i am not helping in this anymore. i am just going to do whatever i can to help her.

something is wrong

2008-08-23T20:04:00.003+08:00

a grey gloomy sky is what i get for the past few days. i am unsure if i am the kind of person whose mood changes with the weather but i am definitely feeling the same way as it is now. i miss the sunlight to brighten up my every morning. i want the happy cheerful morning when i have to drag myself out of my bed but not the rainy mornings when i just want to lie in bed.

there is so much negativity storing inside me now. i dont know where does it come from? i dont know what has happened to me. i can still laugh and joke around with friends but the grey cloud lingers above me. i am unknowingly or knowingly shutting myself out from him.

maybe tomorrow i will find my way home.

my 1st nephew!!!!!

2008-08-19T01:57:00.003+08:00

yeah!!!! my sis has finally given birth today to a beautiful baby boy on the 18 aug 08. haha. this isnt exactly my first time being an aunty because some of my cousins actually have kids now but this time round it is different. he is my sis's son, definitely a lot closer to heart. haha. i am so going to love him.

went to visit my sis after school today and had a shock of my life when i saw her. her face was like pale white. omg! imagine all the pain and the amount of exhaustion she had to experience to give live to this baby boy. yes, mothers are the world's most noble person. love all mums, especially my mum and sis.

i hope she recover well and fast and yes, my nephew is going to be a fine young man. =)

national day 2008

2008-08-10T21:59:00.002+08:00

yesterday was national day and this year round, i din spend the day in front of the tv, wishing i would be at the grand stand, watching the fireworks display. =) wells, i went for the ndp preview so i pretty much had watched the parade. so it was alright for me to give the parade and mass display a miss since i knew what would be happening. and so, dabai and i went to marina bay to watch the fireworks.

that wasnt the original plan but we changed it at the very last minute. he had no choice but to agree to it because his girlfriend wanted it. haha. i think generally girls just love fireworks. they were short-lived but that magical moment when they went off in the dark sky against the cityhall landscape seemed like a life time. they were just superb. the feeling was beyond words to have fireworks exploring right behind my own eyes. love it lots!!!

hoping to test my assumption was right, i contacted pee to check if she would be interested to catch the display. and i was right! it was great watching fireworks with good company. =) i remembered last year there was a fireworks event after the national day. i wondered if the same event will be back this year.

tomorrow is a new sem and a new academic year. embrace everything that comes along with an open mind and determined heart. i know i am going to make it through with you beside me. jiayou!!! the WAT friends are finally back in spore. woohoo!

conflicting

2008-08-05T23:23:00.002+08:00

sometimes i find myself a conflicting person. the way my mind works doesnt tally with what i said. although i said it is alright for me, when the 'if situation' happens to me, i will feel the exact opposite. oh my! why is this mask doing on my face?

do i have to force a smile when i want to cry? do i have to say it is alright when deep down inside, i know i am feeling crap? do i always have to be the chatty and happy girl to convince you that i am perfectly ok?

it sucks when i know it hurts to tell the truth. crap!

japan trip!!!

2008-07-23T00:12:00.002+08:00

i am finally back from my japan trip. not exactly as fun as what i expected mainly because of the tour!!! i think the key factor to a fun tour is the itnerary and then the tour guide. the itnerary is super good on paper but due to the poor time management and money-minded tour guide, super good became lousy.

he committed the very first rule a tour guide should never break. he left 4 members of the group along the streets and the bus drove off without them. he did not do a head count before that. omg!!! luckily, my family saw them on the streets if not i dont dare to imagine what will happen next.

on our very first day, we saw many goodies we wanted to buy but we were hesistant. we had to change hotel everyday so having too many luggages is very troublesome. furthermore, the guide told us that he would be bringing to places where we could see the same things again. and so, we stupidly believe in his words. i only managed to find the raisin and cream cookies at the airport and never saw the melon jelly we had at otaru. most of the goodies i brought back from japan were bought at this snack shop at the mrt station. luckily my dad and i decided to went out to walk around the hotel that night to see if we can get any stuff because by that second last night at hokkaido, we had not gotten anything yet. so can you imagine how desperate i was at that moment to get my hands on hokkaido snacks!!!

for me, the highlights for the trip were the lavendar farm, the white chocolate factory and the asahi beer factory. what was most frustrating was that we spent a total of 2 hours plus at both the white chocolate and asahi beer factory. damn! super pissed that day. it was not the group's fault for the tight schedule. it was due to the poor time management of the guide. usually, a group would spend at most 1.5 hours at the eating place. but my group was different. we could spend like more than 2 to 2.5 hours at the dining place. most of the places had their own shops outside the resturants. and i am sure that guide earned some commission from our purchases at that shop. even when most of us were just hanging around, talking, waiting to move on to the next destination, the guide still did not mention anything about moving on. omg!! so much unnecessary time was wasted.

and the food was another disappointment. i seem to be eating the same food everyday. steamboat, buffet, hotplate, and the cycle just repeats. irritating!!! the buffets were the most irritating part. they were those buffets at the hotels which is super cheapstake. damn!! i was so angry with the guide that i told my dad not to give him too much tips and wrote super negative comments on the feedback form. angry!!!

one trip down, another one coming up. yeah!! super exciting because we finally decided where to go for the 4 days. everything seems to be going fine now and i hope it would be fun fun fun. yes! cant wait. =)

july is here!!

2008-07-09T01:56:00.003+08:00

the boring job is finally over! no more waking up at 8am and i did not have to spend effort to tell myself why i was there during the 9 painful hours out of house. but i have to say my ic is super nice. i was quite shocked that she gave me a gift when i was about to leave. woah! super nice gesture and i really appreciated it a lot. i guess that it is exactly what i am always lacking in, the personal human touch.

and so my dear july is finally here!!! i am going for 2 trips this month and i am flying off for my first trip tmr. not exactly super super excited about it because i have been going out since my work ended. i did not have a chance to really nua at home the whole day yet. i guess the excitement will be there once the tour starts. cant wait to go to the white choco factory, the BEER FACTORY, (yup, u do not see wrongly, BEER FACTORY with FREE FLOW of beer. omg! hate me eve if you are reading this. haha), eating fresh strawberry at the farm and the pretty lavender farms. hope the trip will be fun fun fun fun. =)

miss all!

love

2008-06-22T21:17:00.004+08:00

love is so fragile. i have watched both the anime and the movie once but i am watching the movie again this evening. i dont know what is the magic of these 2 nana but i just love them. 2 completely different girls, with the same name and birthday, who met on the train. how their lives crossed each other and i like the fact that the anime protrays the girlfriends are always there and understand you.

i never fail to feel digested by this innocent, cute nana's boyfriend, shoji. he cheated on her when she was trying her best in this foreign land to be independent. she has some serious long term plans with him and he actually fell in love with another girl. what an ass, seriously!! and the worst thing was he chose to run away when he realised he was in deep shit. jerk!!!

seriously, i do hate guys who run away when they are faced with a problem. running away isnt the best and only solution to the problem. your absence actually worsens the problem unknowingly. you think that running away is giving each other some space and time to think about it and probably things will be fine after a few days. how naive! dont leave everything to chance. if you arent going to work hard, you would only be getting peanuts. so, stop running away and face the problem like a man.

at work

2008-06-18T13:39:00.002+08:00

omg! my first entry at work. which of the jobs that i had so far gives me the luxary of blogging at work? even so, i cant wait for 4 jul to come and this is just one of the reasons. i managed to beat the rain, bought my lunch and came back to office dry. =) on my way back to the office, it started to drizzle. and so, let's hope today is my lucky day.

life has been boring. it is the 9 to 6 office work that is draining all my happiness away. when i start working, i must really really find something that i like and enjoy doing. i seriously cant picture myself experiencing this all over again a few years later.

see, i dont have anything else to blog about. damn it!!!! i hate this place. fat, have fun at japan and come back fast!!!!!

coldplay!

2008-06-09T20:32:00.004+08:00

i simply adore coldplay. =) kinda regretted not going to their concert in singapore 2 years ago. damn it! i am sure they will be back in singapore soon. please start your asia/world tour soon. i was listening to one of their songs, lost, from the new album. omg! the very first sentence gave me goosebumps. it is kinda like the yellow feeling. seriously, just listen to the music because i know my words will not give the song any justice.

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one
And you'll be lost

Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
And I'm just waiting till the firing starts
And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

office life

2008-06-05T20:44:00.002+08:00

awkwardly silent. nothing at all. just random typing on the keyboard and the clicking of the mouse. occassionally, a few sneezings could be heard. boring! this is the kind of office i entered every morning. seriously, this sucks! where is the morning rush that i need to enjoy? where is the common shoutings from the offices? why dont the telephones ring? everything plays in only one tone.

i shant learn not to complain. afterall it is just a temporary job. it is not like i have to work my ass off to earn a promotion or pay rise. i am just there to suck some blood out of the big boss. i need cash for my bangkok holiday-ing. so hopefully i will be able to get the job goi recommended and quit the current on by the end of the month. seriously, a slack job is a lifeless job. and it drains my energy out of me faster than ever. bored!

go go go!

chances

2008-05-20T21:06:00.002+08:00

do not wait till a tomorrow comes. chances are like fireworks. their presence can be felt bt it is short. how many times have i let chances slip through my fingers? many, i guess. and so what had came out of it? regret! i hate the word if. just like what one of my friends always said, it is a conditional word. if the first case doesnt happen, the second case will not be the result. to me, if is just a comforting word, to make oneself not feel bad after the mess.

i do not want to live in the world of if anymore. i cant stand the smiling faces and the pretendence that nothing has happened before. is it just me or them? i am feeling this way now is probably because i am always standing at the same spot, whereas they have accepted and moved on with life. and so, they are better than me in a sense. gosh! is it really time for me to migrate?

facing a mess that i had created, not knowing how and where to clear up from. it is really nothing but i just cannot cross my personal obstacle. i am causing so much unhappiness that i feel like crap. no! i dont want to go back in time. chances only happen once and for a reason. if i missed it, that's it. no point crying to go back in time. hang on!

being happy

2008-05-19T00:42:00.003+08:00

i manage to get my hands on jason mraz latest album recently, listening to the songs right now in this hot night. i dont know why but his music has this power to make me happy and want to listen to on a lazy night. everything is right now, except a missing cosy sofa with some hot chocolate by a fireplace.

stay happy! that is the only positive energy around me to make me feel that all these years are worthwhile. no more petty thoughts.

over!

2008-05-09T15:21:00.002+08:00

the dreadful exams are finally out!

last night was totally insane, because i went out with kns (pee, eve, mh, peiwen, woon, lydia, liting, dabai, sai) to celebrate pee and eve 21st bday. smart me plan a mini cupcake surprise for both the bday girls with sai. yesyes, our dearest pee's bf, ryan SAI. haha. one bf is never enough for kns to torture and so dabai was pulled there too. =) going out with this batch of crazy girls up till today is the best thing that can happen to me. although it was super shagged (strictly not due to the rushing to the airport to send eve off after our dinner), it was fun fun FUN! laughing at each other's stupidity, making a fool out of ourselves in the public and getting unfriendly stares from passers-by. we are always living in our mini kns world whenever we are out. inconsiderate, some may say bt fun is what we are cared about. now, i have to wait for our dear dear eve to be back from thailand to get the photos from her.

my ally since sec3 and goi are flying to usa soon. omg! so fast. i am so going to miss them during these 3 months. choo wants to travel too. =)

get well soon!

2008-04-30T15:44:00.002+08:00

it sucks to fall sick, especially during exam period when you definitely need to be at your top form to face all challenges. no comfort food when you feel like sleeping or no snacks to reward yourself after a hard day at work. sucks! i hate the feeling and i know you too. so please take good care of yourself and jiayou! recover fast!

update!

2008-04-12T23:41:00.003+08:00

many many events happen so far. went for many 21st party, had bday celebrations and went out with dabai. =) too many things to talk about. i am lazy so i should just upload the pretty photos.

dingod's bday celebration

funky snapshot!

glad's party

glad's party

KNS (we miss fat!)

KNS bday celebration

dabai!

toy's museum

pee, liting and i

pretty babe 21st birthday

donuts! =)

time to put a stop to the fun and get back to business.

i want my health back

2008-04-02T15:30:00.002+08:00

i have not been feeling well for the past few days. sucks! no more feeling guilty for abandoning my 2 project groups to let them die on their own on mon and tues. i made the right choice to come home early to rest so that i would be a burden for them. more time to rest means i will recover faster and then i can join them in action sooner. yeah!!!!

seriously, it is boring to get sick. nothing to do at home except to rest, eat and take medicine. the worst part is having to swallow the horrible pills which have magical powers that can cure me. omg! i seriously hate them. totally lost my sense of taste. find no joy in eating anymore. bleah!

luckily, i am feeling much much btr now. not 100% fine but at least i am recovering. thanks all for showing care and concern and of course, nagging at me. yupyup. i have finally realised how scary being a workaholic can be. i will strike for a balance. =) meanwhile, i just want to shout it out loud. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY AND FINE AGAIN!

work work, never ending!

2008-03-30T17:57:00.002+08:00

the amount of work that i have right now is over-towering me pretty soon. i dont understand where do they all come from? my close friends should know pretty well that i am the kinda person who die die have to finish the work for today before hitting the bed. this drive is no longer as strong as a few years back but its presence can be felt. and so what happens where the stubborn choo is back? her body starts to go on a strike.

i can feel my body slowly breaking down bit by bit. some is entirely not my fault, like the stupid dinner experience at my favourite curry wok! never go there late at night anymore. =( headache came after the fever. i dont know. my body just doesnt feel right, totally shitty.

i have reached my max pt of being a workaholic. i truly need a day of not doing anything, just resting and more resting. =) or maybe i should shower more often like 4 times per day? i just realised showering makes me feel good among all these shit.

man eating world

2008-03-18T22:08:00.002+08:00

outwit, outplay and outlast. this should be my new philosophy. this is something that i must learn how and to perfect it well in order to survive in this man eating world. i had witnessed selfish and self-centered acts happening right before my very own eyes which seriously disgusted me.

everyone is in this paper chase. we all want to ace and be the best. somewhere along the way, some of them have lost their human touch which is truly saddening. what is the point of fighting over just to get the questions answered? i thought papers always commented singaporeans are among the most obedient lot of people. where is the order? or maybe i should start to change my mindset because in the future, only competitive people are the last ones standing.

personal gains, personsal advanatage, personal point of view! what is wrong with all this personal issues? start thinking for the majority! stop thinking everything starts and ends with you. there are so many other reasonable and logical factors to consider so i beg you to start thinking, even for a fraction of second. start using it before it rusts. argh!

seriously, today is just a wrong wrong day. it should have been proclaimed as a holiday. i dont understand the frustration that is building within me. there are so many millions people out there who have even more serious problems to handle but i dont know why i am so irritated over mine. it is always bothering me at night and the thought of A will lead to B, C, D and slowly, everything goes back to the same original source which has angered me for so many years. when will i be able to accept it as a matter of fact and come to terms to what's done cannot be undone.

i am just shouting a silent scream.

he knows magic

2008-03-16T14:17:00.003+08:00

this guy knows magic perfectly well.

at sun and moon

puff up!

yummy tofu dessert

after the esplande concert

vivo!

laser display

songs of the sea!

teddy bear!!!

me with oscar

is it good?

2008-03-05T22:14:00.003+08:00

i once told a friend that why he should not hide his feelings to himself. if he was sad, he should learn to sad. if he was happy, he should learn to laugh. however, my stand was challenged today.

i am the kind of girl who shows all my emotions on my face. my friends have extremely no problems in knowning my mood for that day. although i may have a stern face or am super unhappy with something, all i ask from them is just a few minutes of alone time. i need it as a buffer to cool my head and to think through. when i reply with nothing, is because i dont want to hurt anyone with my words. i know myself very well. i am afraid i would say or do hurtful things which i wish it would never happen.

enough of serious stuff. i am super happy today! it is declared as MY DAY. =)